Memory loophole

I said it’d be cool if we could rewind and live the past again. You smiled and pretended the past never happened. My heart is shattered. Every time.

Aesthetic vs Practicality

Chasing dreams? Or status quo?

One of my colleagues tried to preach me with his life experience today. He's a nice fellow, Greek, in his mid-50's (I assume), but has serious attitude.

I'm partly afraid of him, but also look up to him. He seldom speaks to me except asking me to do stuff. After doing him a favour, he will simply says thank you but no more than that.

Today, he caught me up in the common lounge. And he suddenly went, " I started my first business at 23. It was a cafe." To catch you up with some background context, we're working in a company that makes air conditioner filters. From cafe to owing a filter company, that's like Michael Jordan playing professional baseball, but worse.

I was stoked.

I couldn't repress my curiosity but ask, " how'd you make such a big change then?" "In the early 90's, I lost so much money, and I can't afford my family, you know, three kids in private school. I started doing service jobs and got dirty and stuff." he said. "That makes money mate!"

For a moment, I felt so insecure about the dream, the goal, and the noble vision, I've been chasing. His answer hit me, point-blank, and the bubble up above my head exploded.

In a few months time, I could be unemployed. I may keep my integrity, take the moral high ground and remain unemployed until I find something that I want to do.

Let's not forget that I'm living overseas, spending hell lots of my parents' money. Plus, a younger brother is after me, pending for his chance for his descent, costly tertiary education in 2 years time.

Alternative scenario. I could just get down to reality. Find a job that pays fine, or at least pays, and help ease my parents' financial burden.

I'm whining about it because I suddenly realise I've been so selfish the past two years.

I thought I was special because I don't fall into the typical Asian spectrum and do money-making subjects.

Only to find that two years later, now, I'm a complete selfish prick.